If cursing offends your delicate sensibilities, you’d better stop reading now. Just forewarning ya, although the title should’ve already clued you in.
I have a thing for birds. If you’ve read even a few of my posts, you’ll notice I mention birds a LOT. In fact, I should probably redo the tag line in my header to “Romance Author/Bird Fanatic”. There are feeders all over my yard and I was very sad to see our field grass get plowed up in favor of an agricultural exemption because it erased the creepy, crawly bug buffet. Now we live in the middle of a gray ocean of sand, but hey, I’m saving on my taxes. Heck, I even did an ode to the Turkey Vulture aka the Buzzard. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I think I might have been a bird in a former life, but despite the post where I touted the handiness of having Buzzards around, I really hope that particular avian breed wasn’t my former self.
Okay, I have a problem.
First, allow me to clarify something for you.
This is a Cowbird, more specifically a Brown-headed Cowbird.
This is a Cattle Egret. They follow cows around in fields for the bugs that the cows stir up as they graze. So let’s not confuse the two because it wouldn’t be fair to the Cattle Egret.
See, here’s my problem: The Cowbirds have “discovered” my feeders. Now, you might be thinking “Well, duh! Isn’t that what you put them there for?”
Yes, I did. But here’s the thing about Cowbirds: They’re assholes!!! Should I repeat it for you one more time? No? But I like saying it. It makes me feel better because I can’t do anything else about the fact that they’re greedy little bullying freeloaders! That’s right, they’re bullies too. They swoop down in flocks of ten or more at the time, scaring the other NICE birds away and stuff their FAT gullets like there’s no tomorrow.
I AM NOT THE COWBIRD WELFARE ORGANIZATION OF THE SOUTHEASTERN UNITED STATES!!
That pretty feeder in the photo above? Got it for my birthday. I was so excited to hang it this past Sunday. Then, as the family and I were about to sit down to a nice dinner, I look out the window and see all these little brown shits swarming around it and poking around on the ground underneath it.
Me: “Hey! No fair, they’re eating all the food and scaring the other birds away!”
My mom: “Honey, you can’t discriminate.”
Me: “Oh, yes I can.”
Just so you don’t think I’m being unnecessarily mean and biased, I looked them up. Cowbirds are known as “brood parasites”. They lay their eggs in other bird’s nests. If the bird that they “infringed” upon destroys or removes the foreign egg, the Cowbird will ransack the nest. (Yeah, shocked yet?) They call it “mafia behavior”. I call it being a dickhead.
But let’s just say the host bird doesn’t toss the foreign egg and it hatches. The Cowbird doesn’t even take care of its own young, it relies on the host bird to feed its baby too!And, AND, if the baby Cowbird gets bigger than the other baby birds, which it’s apt to do because of the type of bird nests they choose, it can shove the other babies out of the nest.
Agreeing with me yet?
Say it with me now: COWBIRDS ARE ASSHOLES!!
I don’t know what to do, said in an extremely whiny voice. I can’t stop filling up my feeders because that’s not fair to the other NICE, PRETTY, PACIFIST birds. There’s not any particular type of birdseed they don’t like so that’s not an option either.
Hmmm… what about this?
I’m kidding! *sort of* Besides, she’s not that energetic, and when she is, she’s not selective.
So I guess I just suck it up, huh? While I slowly go broke buying birdseed.